Before we end the month of love, ask this question: Do you love yourself? Probably you will answer yes instantaneously. Now, try this simple activity. Look in the mirror and ask this question: Do you love yourself fully? Chances are, there will be a pause before you can give yourself an answer.
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| "woman-doing-hand-heart-sign" by Hassan OUAJBIR is licensed under CC0 |
This is just human nature. This is one of the reasons why we tend to hang out on social media because, in SocMed, we can create the ideal versions of ourselves. To put it simply, we can pretend.
However, after you turn off your gadget screen, you will again face this reality about yourself. That there are things that you can't accept. That there are things that you want to change.
Accepting and loving yourself is not an easy task, especially in a world where everything is based on a set standard. Instead of living to please yourself, you are instead living to conform to the standards of others. We do this unconsciously. That's why implementing change needs conscious effort.
A passage in the Bible mentioned, "Love your neighbor as you love yourself - Matthew 22:39". If you scan the passage, the meaning is changed to "love your neighbor". However, if you contemplate the whole text, it means to love/accept yourself first. Once you can do that, you can then love/accept others. You can't love others if you don't love yourself first.
Bo Sanchez (my mentor through his books), gave this simple analogy.
"You are a love tank and your love tank has a faucet. The only way for love to flow out of that faucet is if your Love Tank is full. If you don’t receive love, you won’t be able to give love. You can’t love anyone if you don’t love yourself. You can’t even love God if you don’t love yourself."
How do you start accepting yourself?
Self-Love Starts in Your Mind
Your brain is so powerful that no CPU can best it when it comes to information handling. Yes, the computer is faster, but it can't think for itself. This is why the field of Artificial Intelligence (AI) was born, to try to simulate brain function.
Mindset is everything. So make a conscious effort to be aware of what you are thinking.
One example is:
Doubting yourself. We tend to talk to ourselves inside our heads. This is a good mental exercise as proven by science. However, if you start talking negatively to yourself, then the problem starts. Avoid negative self talk at all cost. (As an introvert, I am very guilty of this)
Gather Your Thoughts by Putting It on Paper
Putting your thoughts on paper helps you in organizing your mind. If something is bothering you, write it on paper to get it off your chest. If something good comes your way, write it on paper to preserve that feeling of thankfulness.
Today, the fancy word of writing in this context is called journaling. It can also be called gratitude writing. But the all familiar term is a diary. So go back to your teenage years and rekindle that passion.
Why write on paper? Why not on screen?
Several studies have shown that writing on paper leads to greater brain activity and memory retention compared to a screen.
Make It a Reality by Putting It into Action
To measure your success, you must have tangible results. To get your intended result, you must do the equivalent action. For example, if you wrote in your journal that you want to have a healthy lifestyle. Then your actions must coincide with what you've written.
Is this step easy to do? The answer is a BIG no.
You ask why? This is because of our nature to procrastinate. We usually delay or postpone our actions.
Need proof of this human nature? This is the perfect scenario: Count how many times you hit the snooze button of your alarm clock before actually getting up.
So it is impossible then? The answers is a BIG no also.
It will be hard but not impossible.
As mentioned above, self-love requires conscious effort. You must actively monitor your mindset. Actively write your thoughts and goals. And actively do the equivalent action to achieve those goals.
As the saying goes, everything happens in threes:
- First in your mind (Dreams)
- Second on paper (Goals)
- Third in action (Reality)
Closing Thoughts
The quest to love yourself will be riddled with challenges. You will fail, you will give up, and you will even curse yourself several times for why things are not working out.
Don't falter. Press on. If you fail, then stop, take a rest, contemplate, and then restart.
Remember that self-love or self-acceptance is not a goal that you can just tuck away once you get it. This is a lifetime activity that you must actively do every single day.
What you should do today
What are the steps you've made when you start your journey of self-acceptance? Share your perspective by commenting below.
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